Binging

I will be the first to admit, I am a binge eater - but it only with certain foods: baked goods or chocolate or cookies or pie....you see where I am going with this? I have a sweet tooth and I am not exaggerating when I say that many times (ok most binges) I eat until I have made myself sick. I am not overweight, I am healthy and my BMI is in the proper range, but I think I have a big problem here! I literally have no ability to say "no" to sweets. I will eat them if they are in the house, even when I am not hungry. Put me in front of an open bag of chips and I won't touch them - but chocolate....I won't even share it. I also am the sort of person who needs sweets after a meal. People will offer advice, such as "just have fruit after a meal if you need something sweet" - but clearly these people do not suffer from binge eating. Believe me, if I had a choice between a piece of pie and an apple, I am choosing the pie! If I try to eat the apple first, I will just go back and also eat the pie...so now I have upped my consumption of calories by having two "desserts". I feel absolutely disgusted with myself when I binge, and I hate that feeling. I always try to remind myself how sick I make myself when I eat too much, but that feeling is fleeting - it isn't enough to make me stop the next time cookies are nearby.

So, the reason I am sharing this extremely embarrassing problem of mine, is because I know that I am not alone, and also - I need to stop. I recently lost all my baby weight plus 10 extra pounds on Weight Watchers. I have kept it off for nearly eight months - that is the best I have ever done with my weight (I am prone to yo-yo'ing, due to binge eating when my weight gets down when I seem to think that rewarding my good behaviour with food is a good idea).

I know that the only time I eat these foods is when I am around them. I have tried eating them in moderation but when you are consumed with an obsessive need to eat these foods, then moderation does you no good. So, I am going to blog to share the experience of getting myself off sweets. Perhaps choosing to do this around Easter is a bad idea...I am super close to postponing this idea, but I know that is exactly WHY I have to do this.

I refuse to live a lifetime of denying myself treats - I just want to choose ones that may be better for me, that will satisfy my cravings, but won't have me scarfing down the whole dessert. I also want to stop being a binge eater because I know my kids watch my every move and I don't want them to learn these unhealthy habits. My son already has a very soft spot for timbits, cookies and chocolate. I take it as a bad sign that he wakes up every morning and asks for chocolate for breakfast (no, I don't give it to him....)

Since I have already finished off the last of the icing from my daughters birthday party yesterday, I will have to start tomorrow. Since being back at work, I have gained nearly 10lbs and I want to loose that again. I am going to try to track my WW's points, because that also keeps me accountable for my daily consumption of food.

I am anticipating my biggest roadblocks will be my daily timmies runs, the 3pm slump at work, and tea time at work every friday at 11am.

My game plan here is to stop the cycle of binging. Once I get going, I can't stop. I want to learn a healthier way to think of sweets - they are "treats", not daily meals. I can have them every now and then but I can't go crazy with them. I don't plan on surrounding myself with veggies in the hopes that carrot sticks are going to keep me away from the sweets. As I have said before, my binge eating has nothing to do with hunger. I don't eat sweets because I need food - I do it  for reasons that aren't clear to me yet. I hope that in keeping a journal of my progress, I can figure out why I reach for sweets.

I already have made a good choice for my upcoming battle: With Easter around the corner, I was going to decorate cookies with Noah, since he is a bit young to do eggs. Instead, I saw these easter decorations that kids can colour. I figured he and I could do that instead - and just leave the cookies out of the house.

I figure my next big step is asking Keith to not buy me my annual 1lb chocolate bunny (which I can easily consume in a day - disgusting isn't it?). I think I will ask him to just get me something I will enjoy, that isn't food, like makeup.

Wish me luck.