Tales from the other side of the stethoscope: Bedtime Battles

Our current battle with Noah is bedtime. We have always had a consistent bedtime and routine. This has really helped him, and we have never fought over when bedtime is: he knows that after dinner, we wash our hands and face and head upstairs. If we are done dinner early, he plays upstairs. If we are late, he goes right to bath. Brushing his teeth and bath are always at 7-7:15. Right after, we do diaper, PJs, stories, bed.

Since Layla's arrival, our schedule gets a bit more complicated because she is usually ready for bed at 6-6:30, which means that if we are done dinner early, he can't play upstairs because he likes to run around all the rooms playing hide and seek or "sleeping bunnies" (a game that involves Noah and Keith laying on the ground sleeping, until I say "WAKE UP!" and they hop around).

We have tried every combination of activities to figure out what works best, because Noah seems to need that run after dinner to burn off his excess energy (especially on days he isn't at daycare). We have tried having dinner later, giving Layla a fourth nap to keep her up later, having dinner earlier, playing downstairs instead of upstairs. However, the result is always the same: he fights us constantly with every step. He won't brush, he won't floss, he won't get into the tub, he won't put a diaper on, he won't put PJs on, he won't get into bed. This is very frustrating for us because Noah is such a creature of habit, and the one thing Noah has always been good at is bedtime!

We know it is because his routine has been disrupted, but more than that - after reading Alyson Shafer's book, "Honey, I wrecked the kids", I realize that Noah is ready to control more of his bedtime. According to this book, Noah is challenging us with a power struggle. Children don't like to be told to do things, as they would rather be given choice in order to control their outcomes. To test out her theory, we gave it a shot: First we asked Noah where he wanted to read stories (we had been reading them in bed, all cuddled up together, but he had been fighting this) and we now read them on the chair in his room, as per his request.

Another big struggle was getting him into bed after stories. So a few days ago I told Keith that Alyson Shafer would suggest we just turn out the lights and let him choose where he sleeps - even if it is on the floor! The other night we decided to try it. We gave him a kiss, Keith sat down with our iPad, and I turned out the lights. Keith said he stayed out of bed, but after a short time he picked up his teddy bears and head to bed on his own! It worked!!!

Now that I have a bit more faith that Noah is capable of controlling certain aspects of bedtime, I have to figure out how to get him to do the more challenging aspects of bedtime: Teeth and bath. We have tried offering him a tooth brushing while IN the bath or after the bath - that helps a bit, but flossing is a nightmare. Honestly, if he wasn't a cardiac patient, I wouldn't even bother with his flossing right now - it just isn't worth the battle - but I don't want him to get an infection that can impact his heart. So, I actually have no idea how to give him choice in teeth - but I am still reading the book (for the tenth time - I keep coming back to it when we encounter a new challenge).

Bath could happen in the morning, I suppose. However, on days he is at daycare, I have a small window of time to get him out the door between Layla waking up and her first nap - so I don't know that morning bath would work better. I know that he would take the bath more willingly if it happened at another time, though.

Finally, diaper...Why does he refuse to put it on at night? He runs around his room hopping and won't let us put it on. What a battle! We offer him the choice of where to put it on but it doesn't work anymore. So that is another battle we need to fix. I mean, there is no choice - he needs to have it on for bed since he isn't potty trained...so what to do? The other day he peed on the floor while we were waiting for him to allow us to do his diaper, but it didn't phase him.

The parenting book is fantastic (and Canadian!) - I highly recommend it to any parent, as it covers all issues from infants to teens. I think it will get a lot of wear and tear! Here is a link to the book for those who are interested!

http://www.alyson.ca/honey-i-wrecked-the-kids.html

Finally, here are some photos from our bedtime play (older photos - probably a year ago):