Exercise....
Hate it? Love it? I can't decide what side of the fence I am on.
I am not one to join group sports - never have been (except for cheerleading), or be active by hiking or biking (ugh...my own personal version of hell). So I have to find time to be active.
Let me point out that once the kids are in bed, I do dishes and pack lunches so I am left with an hour of potential free time before bed. Many moms and dads spend that time doing laundry, sweeping the house, washing floors - whatever doesn't get done during the day. So I am not left with a lot of time to fit in exercise.
Keith is fantastic - he will do as many dishes as he can while he makes dinner to free up some of my time so I can work out. Recently, I also stopped sitting with Layla until she was asleep, as she falls asleep faster if I am not there. So I have gained an extra half hour.
A big hurdle, other than time, is my desire to be a lazy bum. I work all day and while my job is neither strenuous nor stressful, I still feel like being out of the house all day takes away from some "me" time. I love TV so I love to sit down and watch my shows at night. If asked to pick between tv and my treadmill, I pick TV everytime. If only we had cable hooked up to the tv in the basement....
As you know, I have done Jillian Michaels 30day shred. Got half way through before I stopped b/c of sickness and returning to work. Then I just got lazy - I didn't want to work out at 9pm!
So this week I got out my Wii fit - I didn't find it terribly challenging or strenuous so I figure I can do that on nights I don't want to work out.
A few nights ago I also did my EA Active for the Wii - now THAT was a workout! I thought I was settling in for an easy workout, like the Wii fit routine, but this challenged me so much that I could barely walk the next few days.
Yesterday I decided to get back on the treadmill. Previously, Keith and I did the 'couch to 5K' workout and we did great. It got to the point that we were both doing 5K, 3 times a week. I haven't been on a treadmill since I returned to work but I decided to go for it (mostly because Keith downloaded smutty tv for me to watch while I run).
Once I was done, I commented to keith that I really love running - but it is always such a task to get myself to do it. I feel better for having done it, I feel less guilty about having pie for dessert - but I can't seem to remember that BEFORE the workout.
Tonight there are two of my favourite shows on tv, so I am sure I won't be working out. Keith can have the treadmill tonight...I am going to attempt to remember that I like running...tomorrow...
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Our current trials and tribulations - life with 2 kids
Keith is doing great at home with the kids. He really is amazing. He keeps the house tidy, the kids are very happy and he has fixed sleep, potty and many discipline issues. You see, I am the push-over parent. I am the one who will cave to their slightest request. I wish I could parent like he does!
I wanted to share what we are currently going through with the two kids, as life is never dull here and I am sure our stories are not unique to our kids.
Layla:
Layla is too young to really have any discipline issues. She is growing so fast though. I find she is learning to do things faster than her brother did. She just figured out how to crawl forward this week - which means our previous "rolling log of disaster" is now a "crawling mass of destruction". If something is dangerous or off-limits, she will find it and eat it. This is new territory for us, having had one baby who was very placid and didn't crawl until a year of age. Our biggest challenges with her right now are baby proofing to keep her safe, teaching her that things are off-limits (we use a tone of voice with her that she knows means something is off limits) and biting.
...Yes...biting...
Layla already has six teeth but we think a few more are coming. She has taken to biting her brother - not maliciously, but because she is probably teething and his flesh is the nearest thing to her mouth. When they have bath together, Noah spends the whole bath dodging her bites and scooting around the tub screeching at her to "stop it!". I would bathe them separately, but I can't really figure out how to do this because they go to bed at the same time.
The only thing we can do at this age is remove her from the person she is biting and distract her with something else. It works about 90% of the time.
Noah:
Noah is an amazing kid - so happy and calm, but something is making him feel like he needs more attention or more power in his life (My guess is that Layla is that "something" special causing him to feel a bit left out).
His newest behaviour that is causing discipline issues at home, and potty training issues at school is what I refer to as "learned helplessness" (as a tribute to nursing theory). Noah likes to throw a fit over things he is capable of doing by yelling, "I CAN'T!" and then crying (or rather, trying to make himself cry). This could be exclaimed as he tries to pull up his pants, put on his coat, or put his own socks on. These are all things he is 100% capable of doing. It can be very difficult to sit and listen to when you have to get out the door. This is one of those situations where Keith is a million times better than I am - he is more patient, whereas I give in and do it for him.
Keith and I parent according to Alyson Shaefer's alderian principles (http://www.alyson.ca/). We have been a bit busy lately to consult her book to see how to get Noah out of this learned helplessness cycle, however this weekend Keith had time to review the two chapters that apply to both attention seeking and power struggles.
We tried out the principles over dinner, which is an area we have had a lot of battles. Typically, Noah fights sitting at the table with us, and when he does he shoves his plate away and then trys to get back down after throwing a fit over what he is supposed to eat. He also has gotten ME in the habit of spoon feeding him, just to get him to eat something. After chewing it, he spits it back onto his plate. Inevitably, he will spend time in the corner during dinner.
Last night, we anticipated he wouldn't be hungry because he ate one pound of pasta at lunch...literally! It is hard to explain alderian principles properly and succinctly, so instead I will share what we specifically did with Noah:
As we served dinner, Noah dawdled at his chair. We asked him to join us and he refused. Instead of harping on him, or forcing him into his chair, we just began eating and pleasantly chatting about our day. He played around the kitchen for a while (enjoying his new freedom!) and at some point he noticed he wasn't getting undue attention from skipping dinner, so he came up to the table and shoved his plate away. This is something we don't tolerate, so he went straight to the corner (although I think Alyson Shaefer would have said we should just ignore that behaviour). After he was done in the corner, he asked to come to the table. So we told him, very nicely, that we would really like that. He tried to get us to put him in his chair for him, but he is capable of doing so himself so we told him that once he gets into his chair, we would be more than happy to push him toward the table. He did so himself and ate one piece of food before declaring he was done. We told him that was fine, but there would be no more food until breakfast the next day. He was ok with this and asked politely to leave the table. I was a bit anxious about putting him to bed hungry, but he actually ended up sleeping later than usual and had two bowls of oatmeal at breakfast...no harm done!
Every time we use Alyson's book, I am astounded at how well it works. It often seems common sense, but it really is challenging because I find the hardest part of parenting is not holding a grudge or making the child feel guilty over their choice. Haven't we all told the child that "yes, you can leave this table, but now I have to throw out this dinner that daddy spent so long making"? According to Alyson Shaefer, once you are past a misbehaving situtaion, you have to drop the anger or frustration - and this is really hard. So it is a constant work for us but Keith and I are very devoted to it and work very hard at parenting the best we can. We don't want to use old-school parenting techniques of "you have to do this because I say so" or guilt-trips, aggression or fear-tactics.
Another situation last night, where her tactics worked very well for us was when Noah wanted help putting his socks on for bed (he likes to sleep in socks!). He sobbed while begging Keith to help him. Keith gave him a long hug but then proceeded to read him his bedtime stories to Noah. About four pages in, Noah realized he wasn't getting attention over his sobbing and put his socks on himself and enjoyed the rest of the story.
If you have discipline issues with your kids, try Alyson's book out. It really is a quick and easy read (you only need to review the chapters that apply to your child's discipline issues) and you won't be sorry!
I wanted to share what we are currently going through with the two kids, as life is never dull here and I am sure our stories are not unique to our kids.
Layla:
Layla is too young to really have any discipline issues. She is growing so fast though. I find she is learning to do things faster than her brother did. She just figured out how to crawl forward this week - which means our previous "rolling log of disaster" is now a "crawling mass of destruction". If something is dangerous or off-limits, she will find it and eat it. This is new territory for us, having had one baby who was very placid and didn't crawl until a year of age. Our biggest challenges with her right now are baby proofing to keep her safe, teaching her that things are off-limits (we use a tone of voice with her that she knows means something is off limits) and biting.
...Yes...biting...
Layla already has six teeth but we think a few more are coming. She has taken to biting her brother - not maliciously, but because she is probably teething and his flesh is the nearest thing to her mouth. When they have bath together, Noah spends the whole bath dodging her bites and scooting around the tub screeching at her to "stop it!". I would bathe them separately, but I can't really figure out how to do this because they go to bed at the same time.
The only thing we can do at this age is remove her from the person she is biting and distract her with something else. It works about 90% of the time.
Noah:
Noah is an amazing kid - so happy and calm, but something is making him feel like he needs more attention or more power in his life (My guess is that Layla is that "something" special causing him to feel a bit left out).
His newest behaviour that is causing discipline issues at home, and potty training issues at school is what I refer to as "learned helplessness" (as a tribute to nursing theory). Noah likes to throw a fit over things he is capable of doing by yelling, "I CAN'T!" and then crying (or rather, trying to make himself cry). This could be exclaimed as he tries to pull up his pants, put on his coat, or put his own socks on. These are all things he is 100% capable of doing. It can be very difficult to sit and listen to when you have to get out the door. This is one of those situations where Keith is a million times better than I am - he is more patient, whereas I give in and do it for him.
Keith and I parent according to Alyson Shaefer's alderian principles (http://www.alyson.ca/). We have been a bit busy lately to consult her book to see how to get Noah out of this learned helplessness cycle, however this weekend Keith had time to review the two chapters that apply to both attention seeking and power struggles.
We tried out the principles over dinner, which is an area we have had a lot of battles. Typically, Noah fights sitting at the table with us, and when he does he shoves his plate away and then trys to get back down after throwing a fit over what he is supposed to eat. He also has gotten ME in the habit of spoon feeding him, just to get him to eat something. After chewing it, he spits it back onto his plate. Inevitably, he will spend time in the corner during dinner.
Last night, we anticipated he wouldn't be hungry because he ate one pound of pasta at lunch...literally! It is hard to explain alderian principles properly and succinctly, so instead I will share what we specifically did with Noah:
As we served dinner, Noah dawdled at his chair. We asked him to join us and he refused. Instead of harping on him, or forcing him into his chair, we just began eating and pleasantly chatting about our day. He played around the kitchen for a while (enjoying his new freedom!) and at some point he noticed he wasn't getting undue attention from skipping dinner, so he came up to the table and shoved his plate away. This is something we don't tolerate, so he went straight to the corner (although I think Alyson Shaefer would have said we should just ignore that behaviour). After he was done in the corner, he asked to come to the table. So we told him, very nicely, that we would really like that. He tried to get us to put him in his chair for him, but he is capable of doing so himself so we told him that once he gets into his chair, we would be more than happy to push him toward the table. He did so himself and ate one piece of food before declaring he was done. We told him that was fine, but there would be no more food until breakfast the next day. He was ok with this and asked politely to leave the table. I was a bit anxious about putting him to bed hungry, but he actually ended up sleeping later than usual and had two bowls of oatmeal at breakfast...no harm done!
Every time we use Alyson's book, I am astounded at how well it works. It often seems common sense, but it really is challenging because I find the hardest part of parenting is not holding a grudge or making the child feel guilty over their choice. Haven't we all told the child that "yes, you can leave this table, but now I have to throw out this dinner that daddy spent so long making"? According to Alyson Shaefer, once you are past a misbehaving situtaion, you have to drop the anger or frustration - and this is really hard. So it is a constant work for us but Keith and I are very devoted to it and work very hard at parenting the best we can. We don't want to use old-school parenting techniques of "you have to do this because I say so" or guilt-trips, aggression or fear-tactics.
Another situation last night, where her tactics worked very well for us was when Noah wanted help putting his socks on for bed (he likes to sleep in socks!). He sobbed while begging Keith to help him. Keith gave him a long hug but then proceeded to read him his bedtime stories to Noah. About four pages in, Noah realized he wasn't getting attention over his sobbing and put his socks on himself and enjoyed the rest of the story.
If you have discipline issues with your kids, try Alyson's book out. It really is a quick and easy read (you only need to review the chapters that apply to your child's discipline issues) and you won't be sorry!
Friday, January 21, 2011
2010 in photos
Fellow mommy bloggers have done their year in photos, and I wanted to join in the fun! I am a little late, since our computer had died over the holidays, but here we go!
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| Pregnant at the start of 2010 |
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| This is the only photo I had in February, so it won by default... |
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| March, we did maternity photos |
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| I wanted to add another one with the whole family |
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| April marked the end of my Master's program...I had Layla a week later |
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| April: My final belly shot before being induced |
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| A few hours later, Layla came into our lives |
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| The three of us, Noah wouldn't join us in the photos |
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| May marked Noah's second birthday! |
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| June: Noah and Layla getting closer |
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| July: Canada Day! |
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| August: Learning to play together |
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| September: Noah went to ride on Thomas the train with Nana and Granddad |
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| September: Also marked Layla's baptism |
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| October: We went apple picking with Keith's family |
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| October: We also did some Halloween photos with Kim |
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| November: Layla getting bigger! |
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| November: Noah developing such a sense of humour! |
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| December: Sibling love - but also the start of sibling rivalry, as Layla is learning to move around and steal Noah's toys |
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| January 2011: Keith started his parental leave, until April. He is such a good stay-at-home dad. |
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Grief
As I sit on the floor of my living room in the early hours of the morning enjoying my morning coffee, an ]overwhelming surge of grief passes through me, so strong and suffocating that I have to stifle a sob. This isn't the first time I have had these random bursts of grief. They are not triggered by any noticeable precipitating event. The emotion fills me and makes me feel like I am drowning in grief. They bring tears to my eyes and have often knocked me to the ground, clutching at my chest - struggling to breathe.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath and wait for the moment to be over. It doesn't take me long to compose myself and I sit back and take another sip of coffee. I shake my head, as if that resets my brain, and work at getting myself up and out the door to catch my morning train.
This grief that encompasses me is always present in the back of my mind. It is solely related to Noah's health. I am sure these attacks are not unique - anyone who has experienced any level of sadness so profound that it changes their life forever, will have these attacks...at least that is what I tell myself.
Noah's diagnosis was so unexpected, and so feared (given my personal history of working with this population), that the 24 hours we spent leading up to being admitted to the hospital are so ingrained in my mind that they give me nightmares. The moments spent holding Noah, as they performed an hour and a half echo, calling out each defect one by one, is enough to make me break into a cold sweat.
At the present, Noah is the picture of health. He is a tall, healthy looking boy with rosy cheeks and full hair. His size is so impressive that he looks older than he truly is. His speech is so astounding that he sounds older than he is - but in reality, he is just over 2.5 years old and is living with a chronic condition that will impact the rest of his life. Noah has many barriers to face in life - many of which I am not comfortable sharing - but he is such a healthy looking boy that you would easily forget that he was not "normal".
Nothing about his behaviour, energy or physical appearance would give away the true secret. It is for this reason that I often forget we have a sick child. We treat him as we would any child and I think because of this, the grief finds moments to take over my world and bring the startling reality to the forefront at the most random times: sometimes I am just running on the treadmill and I have to stop to take a moment; sometimes I find myself reading and my mind wanders; other times, like today, I am just having a quiet moment. It is enough to make you want to occupy your mind every moment of every day, just so this grief can't grab hold and drown you...of course, this is impossible.
As such, I find I have to accept this grief. The attacks seem to come more regularly as we approach his cardiology appointments - as I know that we have another surgery in the near future. It is the "when" that is unknown and that is causing a lot of my anxiety. I find talking to Keith helps a lot because he is so level-headed and realistic. He has his own moments where I find him sitting alone in our room on the edge of the bed, looking like his world has crumbled - but we are there for each other and find strength in this shared experience.
I try not to let my knowledge affect me too much but of course that is impossible. Knowledge is there, whether you want it to be or not. I try not to think about what it will be like to hold down a 3 year old Noah while the nurse pulls a chest tube out of his body, while he is conscious. I try not to think of the pain he will endure when they crack open his chest and sew his bones back together. Of course, I have seen this all first hand, a hundred times, and that makes it impossible to forget.
Of course, this grief and panic naturally spreads to my fears for our beautiful Layla - she is such a healthy looking baby, but I know first-hand how looks can be deceiving. Is she healthy? Sure...for now...but who is to say that won't change? I picture her going through a similar ordeal and it rocks me with emotion so great that I want to bury my head in the sand.
Writing this, I sound like I could benefit from a good therapist - and maybe I could. But this grief doesn't control me - they are just brief blips in my life. It is just part of being a mom to a chronically ill child. I am sure many people have the same sort of grief over something: a sick parent, the passing of a loved one, a frightening past....
I can only hope that in sharing my feelings that they will benefit others to know they aren't alone in their grief
I close my eyes and take a deep breath and wait for the moment to be over. It doesn't take me long to compose myself and I sit back and take another sip of coffee. I shake my head, as if that resets my brain, and work at getting myself up and out the door to catch my morning train.
This grief that encompasses me is always present in the back of my mind. It is solely related to Noah's health. I am sure these attacks are not unique - anyone who has experienced any level of sadness so profound that it changes their life forever, will have these attacks...at least that is what I tell myself.
Noah's diagnosis was so unexpected, and so feared (given my personal history of working with this population), that the 24 hours we spent leading up to being admitted to the hospital are so ingrained in my mind that they give me nightmares. The moments spent holding Noah, as they performed an hour and a half echo, calling out each defect one by one, is enough to make me break into a cold sweat.
At the present, Noah is the picture of health. He is a tall, healthy looking boy with rosy cheeks and full hair. His size is so impressive that he looks older than he truly is. His speech is so astounding that he sounds older than he is - but in reality, he is just over 2.5 years old and is living with a chronic condition that will impact the rest of his life. Noah has many barriers to face in life - many of which I am not comfortable sharing - but he is such a healthy looking boy that you would easily forget that he was not "normal".
Nothing about his behaviour, energy or physical appearance would give away the true secret. It is for this reason that I often forget we have a sick child. We treat him as we would any child and I think because of this, the grief finds moments to take over my world and bring the startling reality to the forefront at the most random times: sometimes I am just running on the treadmill and I have to stop to take a moment; sometimes I find myself reading and my mind wanders; other times, like today, I am just having a quiet moment. It is enough to make you want to occupy your mind every moment of every day, just so this grief can't grab hold and drown you...of course, this is impossible.
As such, I find I have to accept this grief. The attacks seem to come more regularly as we approach his cardiology appointments - as I know that we have another surgery in the near future. It is the "when" that is unknown and that is causing a lot of my anxiety. I find talking to Keith helps a lot because he is so level-headed and realistic. He has his own moments where I find him sitting alone in our room on the edge of the bed, looking like his world has crumbled - but we are there for each other and find strength in this shared experience.
I try not to let my knowledge affect me too much but of course that is impossible. Knowledge is there, whether you want it to be or not. I try not to think about what it will be like to hold down a 3 year old Noah while the nurse pulls a chest tube out of his body, while he is conscious. I try not to think of the pain he will endure when they crack open his chest and sew his bones back together. Of course, I have seen this all first hand, a hundred times, and that makes it impossible to forget.
Of course, this grief and panic naturally spreads to my fears for our beautiful Layla - she is such a healthy looking baby, but I know first-hand how looks can be deceiving. Is she healthy? Sure...for now...but who is to say that won't change? I picture her going through a similar ordeal and it rocks me with emotion so great that I want to bury my head in the sand.
Writing this, I sound like I could benefit from a good therapist - and maybe I could. But this grief doesn't control me - they are just brief blips in my life. It is just part of being a mom to a chronically ill child. I am sure many people have the same sort of grief over something: a sick parent, the passing of a loved one, a frightening past....
I can only hope that in sharing my feelings that they will benefit others to know they aren't alone in their grief
Monday, January 10, 2011
We survived
So our first week of switched roles is over. I have to say I was extremely pleased with how it worked out!
First, I really do love being back at work. I am in my familiar work setting and it is so nice to have adult conversation (even if it does largely centre around my kids!). I also love the peace and relative quiet of the commute into work. I get to read a grown-up book and drink coffee - does it get any better?
While I do miss my kids (their photos are everywhere at work and my screen changes to a new photo of them every five minutes...), I really do think I am a better mom for being back at work. I only get from 5:30 until bedtime to spend with them, so maybe 2.5 hours tops - but that time is spent enjoying every second with them. We all laugh more, smile more and play more. It is really fantastic. I think it also makes me a better wife because I feel more refreshed and I miss Keith when I am at work.
Now, to get to how Keith did...
I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised. I never doubted he could care for the kids , he has always been a very hands-on father, it was more that he did it so well. On my first day coming home, the house was very tidy, the kids were all smiles, and they were all clean and happy. I know, first hand, how trying the end of the day can be with the kids...they are tired and we are running out of fun things to do together, it is impossible to find time to shower with both kids at home, and changing them out of PJ's is a hassel - but here they were, clean and in real clothes!
Keith teased me (or maybe he was serious?) that he thought all women shared the secret that mat leave isn't really that hard, but that we pretend it is so the men won't want to take some of it. I keep telling him that while it went well for him, over time things may begin to wear on him. The sleepless nights, the constantly hungry kids, the whining, the pee accidents, the exhaustion, reading the same book for the billionth time...it eventually wears on you. That said, he is much more patient and calm so he is a lot better suited to working in that kind of scenario.
So far though, he is doing great. Friday was a challenging day as he had both kids and Noah seems to be rebelling against the change of caregivers. He is currently peeing right in his pants without even trying to make it to the potty and then telling us (with glee) that he did it. I am fairly certain this is linked to the changes around the leave, so it will fix itself with time I think. I try to prepare him by telling him that I am going to work the next day but I think he thinks I am playing a game because he then tells me that he is going to work too.
I had to have a talk with Keith about my expectations around what he is to do when he is home. I found the house was "too" well cared for - so I think he was burning himself out fast b/c he was trying to do too much. So I told him how low my standards were and hopefully that will make things easier on him.
Layla doesn't really seem bothered at all - she loves taking a bottle, which is making our breast feeding sessions much more difficult. She has always been an impatient nurser so without the instant gratification of the bottle, she is getting more and more frustrated, even though we are using a slow flow nipple on the bottle.The other issue is that I am not able to pump enough for her - I read online that if you normally breast feed, it is normal to get only 1-2 ounces per pumping session. So now, I have to take herbs (18 pills a day) and pump 5x a day to get enough milk for the day (which really isn't that much since she is mostly on solids). It is another hurdle that we have to face though. Overall, Layla seems very happy. She really loves her daddy and her whole face lights up when she sees him so I don't anticipate any issues with her, especially since she is so young.
Keith has a schedule and it is different than how I did things. I found it amusing on the weekend, when I tried to give a snack to the kids, Keith told me that it wasn't snack time. It doesn't bother me, like I thought it would, adhering to a new schedule. I am happy to keep the schedule up for the kids sake, since I know they will thrive best when I do so.
There were times when I was on leave, that Layla would wake up too early in the morning and it would throw our whole schedule for naps off. It really used to stress me out so I would complain about it a lot. This morning, Keith had to drag himself out of bed earlier than normal because Layla was up so early, after a very rough night. Keith had said, 'This is going to throw our schedule all off!". At first I thought he was teasing me and using my own lines against me in a joke, but he was serious. So it is amusing to see how the issues that may seem so simple to the working parent, become the be all and end all to the parent on leave.
Keith's week is off to a bit of a rough start this week because of the bad night Layla had but she had a long morning nap, so I think he is going to get it turned around in no time! He is a great stay-at-home dad.
First, I really do love being back at work. I am in my familiar work setting and it is so nice to have adult conversation (even if it does largely centre around my kids!). I also love the peace and relative quiet of the commute into work. I get to read a grown-up book and drink coffee - does it get any better?
While I do miss my kids (their photos are everywhere at work and my screen changes to a new photo of them every five minutes...), I really do think I am a better mom for being back at work. I only get from 5:30 until bedtime to spend with them, so maybe 2.5 hours tops - but that time is spent enjoying every second with them. We all laugh more, smile more and play more. It is really fantastic. I think it also makes me a better wife because I feel more refreshed and I miss Keith when I am at work.
Now, to get to how Keith did...
I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised. I never doubted he could care for the kids , he has always been a very hands-on father, it was more that he did it so well. On my first day coming home, the house was very tidy, the kids were all smiles, and they were all clean and happy. I know, first hand, how trying the end of the day can be with the kids...they are tired and we are running out of fun things to do together, it is impossible to find time to shower with both kids at home, and changing them out of PJ's is a hassel - but here they were, clean and in real clothes!
Keith teased me (or maybe he was serious?) that he thought all women shared the secret that mat leave isn't really that hard, but that we pretend it is so the men won't want to take some of it. I keep telling him that while it went well for him, over time things may begin to wear on him. The sleepless nights, the constantly hungry kids, the whining, the pee accidents, the exhaustion, reading the same book for the billionth time...it eventually wears on you. That said, he is much more patient and calm so he is a lot better suited to working in that kind of scenario.
So far though, he is doing great. Friday was a challenging day as he had both kids and Noah seems to be rebelling against the change of caregivers. He is currently peeing right in his pants without even trying to make it to the potty and then telling us (with glee) that he did it. I am fairly certain this is linked to the changes around the leave, so it will fix itself with time I think. I try to prepare him by telling him that I am going to work the next day but I think he thinks I am playing a game because he then tells me that he is going to work too.
I had to have a talk with Keith about my expectations around what he is to do when he is home. I found the house was "too" well cared for - so I think he was burning himself out fast b/c he was trying to do too much. So I told him how low my standards were and hopefully that will make things easier on him.
Layla doesn't really seem bothered at all - she loves taking a bottle, which is making our breast feeding sessions much more difficult. She has always been an impatient nurser so without the instant gratification of the bottle, she is getting more and more frustrated, even though we are using a slow flow nipple on the bottle.The other issue is that I am not able to pump enough for her - I read online that if you normally breast feed, it is normal to get only 1-2 ounces per pumping session. So now, I have to take herbs (18 pills a day) and pump 5x a day to get enough milk for the day (which really isn't that much since she is mostly on solids). It is another hurdle that we have to face though. Overall, Layla seems very happy. She really loves her daddy and her whole face lights up when she sees him so I don't anticipate any issues with her, especially since she is so young.
Keith has a schedule and it is different than how I did things. I found it amusing on the weekend, when I tried to give a snack to the kids, Keith told me that it wasn't snack time. It doesn't bother me, like I thought it would, adhering to a new schedule. I am happy to keep the schedule up for the kids sake, since I know they will thrive best when I do so.
There were times when I was on leave, that Layla would wake up too early in the morning and it would throw our whole schedule for naps off. It really used to stress me out so I would complain about it a lot. This morning, Keith had to drag himself out of bed earlier than normal because Layla was up so early, after a very rough night. Keith had said, 'This is going to throw our schedule all off!". At first I thought he was teasing me and using my own lines against me in a joke, but he was serious. So it is amusing to see how the issues that may seem so simple to the working parent, become the be all and end all to the parent on leave.
Keith's week is off to a bit of a rough start this week because of the bad night Layla had but she had a long morning nap, so I think he is going to get it turned around in no time! He is a great stay-at-home dad.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Reflecting on my second maternity leave
I am back with a computer! Turns out we totally fried our hard drive so my dad is fixing it up and hopefully recovering our photos and other valuable data. I will do an update on my Shred workout but for now, I want to reflect on my maternity leave as it draws to a close, and Keith takes over the final three months.
Being a mom is by far, the best thing that has ever happened to me, aside from meeting and marrying Keith. I have always known I loved kids - but being a mom is amazing. I am a goof and nothing is better than having a dance party with Noah and Layla - Noah getting all red in the face, and Layla clapping to the music. I have a hard time believing I will be a strict mom down the road, because I sure am lenient now. If you would have asked me before I had kids who was going to be the tough parent, I never would have said Keith - but he has rules and they are followed. I am lenient and get walked over a bit!
During my first maternity leave, I returned to school around the same time as I am going back to work this time. I was bitter to have done that, but I had no choice. This time, I did have a choice - and I am excited and scared.
Layla has been a very fun child right from the get-go. I remember those first moments, seeing her after she was born. They laid her on my chest and then....she wailed. I mean, WAILED...she really exercised her lungs. The healthcare staff had to shout over her as I tried to mash her face into my breast to nurse for the first time as Keith and I looked at each other with complete terror in our eyes. She wasn't quiet! She didn't just stare at me like Noah did. Oh dear....she was "spirited"!
Ever since her birth, Layla has been a spirited child who knows what she wants and when she wants it. In a way, I am happy to have such a daughter because I don't want my daughter to be a push-over. I want to raise a woman who can live on her own, stand up for what she wants in life and speaks her mind. So I think her personality will foster that.
Layla is the kind of child who you can't just leave on the floor with a bunch of toys around her. You can't allow her to go even the teensiest bit hungry, and heaven forbid you should prevent her from gnawing on an extension cord! Her voice has only gotten bigger, and her temper shorter. However, that being said, she is also the happiest and most beautiful baby. I know I am her mom, and thus biased, but she really is an amazing child. She has the largest and most gorgeous eyes that encompass you and melt your heart and her smile is stunning and warm. You can't help but fall in love with her!
Ending my mat leave early makes me sad for a few reasons: Noah is just getting funnier by the second and his imagination is exploding, so playing with him is so enjoyable; Layla is leaving the baby phase and entering the toddler years. She is increasingly mobile and she is interacting with her brother more and it is hilarious to watch. I am going to miss the days where it was just Layla and I; I am going to miss the days I had the two kids. I am really going to miss Friday morning trips to Country Style with Noah and Layla for treats. I am also going to miss my Weight watchers group and their fawning over Layla.
I have had a few thoughts about pregnancy and mat leave for second time moms that I think I should share because people just don't talk about this stuff (they are too busy with their kids to share)!
1. Pregnancy with the second child flies by when you are chasing a toddler! My first pregnancy was excruciatingly long (especially when I was on bedrest) but this time round, I really can't believe how fast it went by. Just thinking that Noah was a baby himself when I was pregnant and now is nearing 3 - it is just crazy, which brings me to point #2
2. The older child will change by leaps and bounds in your baby's first year (which, coincidentally, flies by even faster than your second pregnancy). I know the baby grows a lot in the first year, that is a given - they go from 9lbs to 30lbs in 12 months (wait...what? That is just my kids?!?!). But the older child also ages and they change so much. I know this must sound ridiculous to everyone, but I seriously feel like I just gave birth a few months ago so when I look back on Layla's early photos and Noah is only 23 months old and is now speaking in full and clear sentences and is fully toilet trained....that is shocking for only 9 months. You hear all the time that they grow up too fast but I really didn't feel that was true until we had Layla.
3. When you bring the second baby home, you assume they are going to take up all of your time. WRONG...it is the toddler that takes up all your time. They are thrust from their only child status and they are extremely challenging to handle those first few weeks. However, after a while, they seem to realize that the baby is here to stay and life gets a lot easier.
4. That said, having a two story house causes some difficulties when dealing with naps for two kids (which are never at the same time, by the way). It also complicates life when your baby hits the "distracted by everything" phase of breastfeeding and you have to feed in a dark and quiet room away from all stimuli. Tell me...what do you do with the older child?!?! Noah was just 2 years old and I had to find things for him to do while I was upstairs with the baby. Conversely, when Noah went down for his nap, but Layla wasn't ready to nap, I had to find something for her to do alone. It was very difficult and to this day I struggle with this.
5. It is true, you do loosen up on some things and learn not to stress the small things. New moms tend to be very concerned about what the child eats, drinks, how much tv they watch, what toys they play with, etc. I did that all with Noah. Yet, when the second one comes your values have to change. You may stick to your guns about certain things that are very important to you (whether that is tv time or juice intake) but you end up doing what you have to do to survive. For example, Noah's tv time went up...a lot - I mean, it kept him quiet and out of trouble while I put Layla down for a nap. However, as a result, I also really do think Treehouse helped his vocabulary, his speech, his counting and learning colours. It also has contributed to the development of his imagination - he is always telling me stories that are clearly based on the latest Max and Ruby program.
6. Your relationship with your spouse undergoes another change, as you become a family of 4. It is really hard to find time for your spouse. Often, Noah is with keith so I can nurse Layla and that leaves no time for ourselves. Once the kids are in bed and it is 8pm, one of us is either working out, packing lunches, doing dishes, shoveling snow, doing laundry, or falling asleep. We try to keep this in mind, but it can be hard. Thankfully kids are only this physically demanding and dependent for so long
7. Keeping track of milestones is next to impossible because time is flying by! I did my best to keep track of it all but I know I missed some stuff. I tried very hard to do for Layla all that I did for Noah, but I feel it is a bit impossible. There are also less photos and less video coverage because with Noah, I literally was just sitting in our condo, staring at him for 12 hours a day. With Layla, I have to keep Noah occupied and her happy. There is very little sitting and thus, less projects to keep me occupied.
8. Having more than one child is just awesome. One day, Noah pulled Layla's highchair over to his chair at the kitchen table and he kissed her and whispered in her ear that he loved her. I mean, you just don't get better than that in life. Also, the love she has in her eyes for Noah is unbelievable. He is the only one who can make her stop crying every time, because she worships him. Her eyes light up when she sees him and her smile becomes huge. She kicks her legs and gurgles happily for him. I would be surprised if her first word wasn't his name.
9. My house is a mess, I never style my hair, my makeup sits unused and I have no idea what is in style in fashion anymore....and I don't really care!
10. I forget what life with just Keith was like; I forget what life with just Noah was like - I honest to goodness can't imagine life without Keith, Noah, and Layla in my life. I keep telling Keith we have to have another baby so I can go on leave again, but who knows what the future holds. A psychic told me once I would have three babies: two girls and a boy - so we shall see...
I have no photos on this computer, but I do have one of my prince and princess at Christmas...enjoy:
Being a mom is by far, the best thing that has ever happened to me, aside from meeting and marrying Keith. I have always known I loved kids - but being a mom is amazing. I am a goof and nothing is better than having a dance party with Noah and Layla - Noah getting all red in the face, and Layla clapping to the music. I have a hard time believing I will be a strict mom down the road, because I sure am lenient now. If you would have asked me before I had kids who was going to be the tough parent, I never would have said Keith - but he has rules and they are followed. I am lenient and get walked over a bit!
During my first maternity leave, I returned to school around the same time as I am going back to work this time. I was bitter to have done that, but I had no choice. This time, I did have a choice - and I am excited and scared.
Layla has been a very fun child right from the get-go. I remember those first moments, seeing her after she was born. They laid her on my chest and then....she wailed. I mean, WAILED...she really exercised her lungs. The healthcare staff had to shout over her as I tried to mash her face into my breast to nurse for the first time as Keith and I looked at each other with complete terror in our eyes. She wasn't quiet! She didn't just stare at me like Noah did. Oh dear....she was "spirited"!
Ever since her birth, Layla has been a spirited child who knows what she wants and when she wants it. In a way, I am happy to have such a daughter because I don't want my daughter to be a push-over. I want to raise a woman who can live on her own, stand up for what she wants in life and speaks her mind. So I think her personality will foster that.
Layla is the kind of child who you can't just leave on the floor with a bunch of toys around her. You can't allow her to go even the teensiest bit hungry, and heaven forbid you should prevent her from gnawing on an extension cord! Her voice has only gotten bigger, and her temper shorter. However, that being said, she is also the happiest and most beautiful baby. I know I am her mom, and thus biased, but she really is an amazing child. She has the largest and most gorgeous eyes that encompass you and melt your heart and her smile is stunning and warm. You can't help but fall in love with her!
Ending my mat leave early makes me sad for a few reasons: Noah is just getting funnier by the second and his imagination is exploding, so playing with him is so enjoyable; Layla is leaving the baby phase and entering the toddler years. She is increasingly mobile and she is interacting with her brother more and it is hilarious to watch. I am going to miss the days where it was just Layla and I; I am going to miss the days I had the two kids. I am really going to miss Friday morning trips to Country Style with Noah and Layla for treats. I am also going to miss my Weight watchers group and their fawning over Layla.
I have had a few thoughts about pregnancy and mat leave for second time moms that I think I should share because people just don't talk about this stuff (they are too busy with their kids to share)!
1. Pregnancy with the second child flies by when you are chasing a toddler! My first pregnancy was excruciatingly long (especially when I was on bedrest) but this time round, I really can't believe how fast it went by. Just thinking that Noah was a baby himself when I was pregnant and now is nearing 3 - it is just crazy, which brings me to point #2
2. The older child will change by leaps and bounds in your baby's first year (which, coincidentally, flies by even faster than your second pregnancy). I know the baby grows a lot in the first year, that is a given - they go from 9lbs to 30lbs in 12 months (wait...what? That is just my kids?!?!). But the older child also ages and they change so much. I know this must sound ridiculous to everyone, but I seriously feel like I just gave birth a few months ago so when I look back on Layla's early photos and Noah is only 23 months old and is now speaking in full and clear sentences and is fully toilet trained....that is shocking for only 9 months. You hear all the time that they grow up too fast but I really didn't feel that was true until we had Layla.
3. When you bring the second baby home, you assume they are going to take up all of your time. WRONG...it is the toddler that takes up all your time. They are thrust from their only child status and they are extremely challenging to handle those first few weeks. However, after a while, they seem to realize that the baby is here to stay and life gets a lot easier.
4. That said, having a two story house causes some difficulties when dealing with naps for two kids (which are never at the same time, by the way). It also complicates life when your baby hits the "distracted by everything" phase of breastfeeding and you have to feed in a dark and quiet room away from all stimuli. Tell me...what do you do with the older child?!?! Noah was just 2 years old and I had to find things for him to do while I was upstairs with the baby. Conversely, when Noah went down for his nap, but Layla wasn't ready to nap, I had to find something for her to do alone. It was very difficult and to this day I struggle with this.
5. It is true, you do loosen up on some things and learn not to stress the small things. New moms tend to be very concerned about what the child eats, drinks, how much tv they watch, what toys they play with, etc. I did that all with Noah. Yet, when the second one comes your values have to change. You may stick to your guns about certain things that are very important to you (whether that is tv time or juice intake) but you end up doing what you have to do to survive. For example, Noah's tv time went up...a lot - I mean, it kept him quiet and out of trouble while I put Layla down for a nap. However, as a result, I also really do think Treehouse helped his vocabulary, his speech, his counting and learning colours. It also has contributed to the development of his imagination - he is always telling me stories that are clearly based on the latest Max and Ruby program.
6. Your relationship with your spouse undergoes another change, as you become a family of 4. It is really hard to find time for your spouse. Often, Noah is with keith so I can nurse Layla and that leaves no time for ourselves. Once the kids are in bed and it is 8pm, one of us is either working out, packing lunches, doing dishes, shoveling snow, doing laundry, or falling asleep. We try to keep this in mind, but it can be hard. Thankfully kids are only this physically demanding and dependent for so long
7. Keeping track of milestones is next to impossible because time is flying by! I did my best to keep track of it all but I know I missed some stuff. I tried very hard to do for Layla all that I did for Noah, but I feel it is a bit impossible. There are also less photos and less video coverage because with Noah, I literally was just sitting in our condo, staring at him for 12 hours a day. With Layla, I have to keep Noah occupied and her happy. There is very little sitting and thus, less projects to keep me occupied.
8. Having more than one child is just awesome. One day, Noah pulled Layla's highchair over to his chair at the kitchen table and he kissed her and whispered in her ear that he loved her. I mean, you just don't get better than that in life. Also, the love she has in her eyes for Noah is unbelievable. He is the only one who can make her stop crying every time, because she worships him. Her eyes light up when she sees him and her smile becomes huge. She kicks her legs and gurgles happily for him. I would be surprised if her first word wasn't his name.
9. My house is a mess, I never style my hair, my makeup sits unused and I have no idea what is in style in fashion anymore....and I don't really care!
10. I forget what life with just Keith was like; I forget what life with just Noah was like - I honest to goodness can't imagine life without Keith, Noah, and Layla in my life. I keep telling Keith we have to have another baby so I can go on leave again, but who knows what the future holds. A psychic told me once I would have three babies: two girls and a boy - so we shall see...
I have no photos on this computer, but I do have one of my prince and princess at Christmas...enjoy:
Sunday, December 12, 2010
7 days of the Shred completed
So I have done one week of Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. Now, I should tell you that my computer broke, so I am typing this on my iPad which is horribly frustrating (dear apple...fix this aspect of apple products and make me a happy girl).
I have kept a week long journal of my progress but I am not going to type this out until I have my computer back. For now, a brief summary...
I started on level 1 and did not find the abs or card hard at all....probably because I had been running three times a week and, after training my abs for hurdles in high school, I find ab workouts are not particularly challenging...even all these years later...the strength training, however, had me shouting at the television!
I kept up with level 1 and after about five days I was able to actually do the push ups without difficult, so by day 7, I decided to move onto level 2. Wow....it was so hard! I was only able to follow the modified moves, and even then I had to take frequent breaks. Yikes...it is seriously hardcore.
I haven't lost any inches, but I have noticed my arms looking more toned already. Bear in mind I was doing the workout daily and making sure I had proper form. I was also was doing the high intensity for cardio, abs and most of the strength. The only modification I made was to the pushup.
Anyway, I am not sure if I will do two more weeks because Keith gave me a 9 week fitness program for the Wii and I want to try that out. However, I work out when the kids are asleep and it may be easier to do the shred for now and then do the wii once we get a tv put in in the basement (I can do the shred in the basement now because it is just a DVD on the computer). So keep posted on what I decide...I may do both because I can do the wii on the days I have just Layla because she finds my workouts amusing to watch. Who knows...if people really want to see how the shred pans out over 30 days I will keep it up
Once my computer is working i will input my daily log of the shred. Till then....
***
Ok, so I am on my old ibook in order to write up my daily journal of my first week on the 30 day shred:
I have my measurements too but I am scared to post them! haha
Here is my daily log for the first week:
Day 1
I have kept a week long journal of my progress but I am not going to type this out until I have my computer back. For now, a brief summary...
I started on level 1 and did not find the abs or card hard at all....probably because I had been running three times a week and, after training my abs for hurdles in high school, I find ab workouts are not particularly challenging...even all these years later...the strength training, however, had me shouting at the television!
I kept up with level 1 and after about five days I was able to actually do the push ups without difficult, so by day 7, I decided to move onto level 2. Wow....it was so hard! I was only able to follow the modified moves, and even then I had to take frequent breaks. Yikes...it is seriously hardcore.
I haven't lost any inches, but I have noticed my arms looking more toned already. Bear in mind I was doing the workout daily and making sure I had proper form. I was also was doing the high intensity for cardio, abs and most of the strength. The only modification I made was to the pushup.
Anyway, I am not sure if I will do two more weeks because Keith gave me a 9 week fitness program for the Wii and I want to try that out. However, I work out when the kids are asleep and it may be easier to do the shred for now and then do the wii once we get a tv put in in the basement (I can do the shred in the basement now because it is just a DVD on the computer). So keep posted on what I decide...I may do both because I can do the wii on the days I have just Layla because she finds my workouts amusing to watch. Who knows...if people really want to see how the shred pans out over 30 days I will keep it up
Once my computer is working i will input my daily log of the shred. Till then....
***
Ok, so I am on my old ibook in order to write up my daily journal of my first week on the 30 day shred:
I have my measurements too but I am scared to post them! haha
Here is my daily log for the first week:
Day 1
- Found cardio easy
- Strength training was rough - I find myself yelling at Jillian a lot!
- Can't do a full set of push ups...those are HARD!
- Abdominal exercises relatively easy as well
- -Bad diet day - eating chocolate all day long because we decorated our Christmas tree today. Hopefully the new Weight Watchers program will help get me back on track
Day 2
- Sore today before working out but it didn't really hinder my workout.
- Even worse diet day!
Day 3
- I didn't sleep well last night because Layla was up a lot. I slept in spurts from 12am - 4am. I was really dying to skip the workout today but I pushed through it.
- After working out I found I was sore in my lower back but otherwise feeling good.
- Workout is feeling easier already!!! I could actually do the push ups!
Day 4
- Despite sleeping and eating well - I found the workout very challenging today. Not sure if it is because I worked out for 4 straight days, but it was a challenge, even doing the cardio today
Day 5
- Similar to Day 4, I had a really hard time working out - not sure why Level 1 is killing me so badly lately.
Day 6
- Despite feeling sluggish during the workout, I am finding that the strength training is getting easier and I am not feeling challenged - going to bump it up to Level 2 tomorrow...I am scared!
Day 7
- Level 2 today!
- KILL ME NOW....it is SO hard. I tried to follow the beginner modifications but I couldn't finish every set.
- The squats worked my thighs so badly that I found them too tender to do the cardio - going to not work myself as hard on the squats - there is no need to do a complete squat right off the bat if it is hindering the rest of my workout!
- Notice my arms are more toned. My legs also feel tighter. The abdominals....well....lets just say 2 kids haven't been kind to them. I can see the obliques behind the loose skin but it will take time to get them where they should be. I should also note that I had a diastasis of the abdominal muscles with Layla's pregnancy and it is still there - perhaps an inch of separation between my muscles. It was much worse (about 2 inches of separation), but I had read that doing abdominal exercises with a diastasis is actually a bad idea - so I did put these exercises off as long as I could.
Here, I will admit I took 2 days off. Sorry! I know that is bad but I took the first day off because Layla fell off the change table and I was too worried about her all day to really concentrate on working out. I took the next day off, just because I was feeling lazy - Keith also gave me my Wii workout that day so I ditched the rest of the 30 day shred.
After talking to Keith, I realized I have to finish what I started so today I was back on the Shred and did my second day of Level 2:
Day 8
- Mad at myself for taking 2 days off - I would be on Day 10 by now if I hadn't done that!!!
- I decided before I began that I would follow the modified exercises until I found those easy and then do them "normal".
- Despite finding myself doing a full squat, yet again, I found it much easier when I didn't push it, and allowed myself to do the modification for some exercises (note: I didn't modify them all - mostly just the moves that involved plank position).
- I wasn't too sore afterwards but I do have a bad knot in my left shoulder blade that led to a migraine after working out.
- I don't know that I will master Level 2 in the 30 days, so I doubt I will ever make it to Level 3!
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