Today, in my lactation course, I heard this line:
"When you become a mother, it is like going to a different planet...nothing is (or ever will be) the same ever again".
Heavy stuff - but very true. I am going to discuss this, not just as a mother - but as a parent. I do believe that children change a mother's life as much as a fathers.
If we, as humans, knew what it was like to start a family I am sure the species would begin to die off a bit because we are an incredibly selfish group. I don't know how to make this entire blog post not sound self-righteous or condescending so bear with me. I am trying to make a point....
In today's society, it is typical to get married and have children. As women enter their fertile years (which in today's day and age seems to be late 20's to early 30's), their biological clock kicks into overdrive and the urge is unbearable for many women. As such, in these years, the women are eager to start off their marriage with children. Believe me, I was one of these women! I was ready to have a baby from the moment I was married. We held off for a year, but I really wonder if we knew what it was like (and I mean what being a parent really is like), would we have held off and enjoyed being newlyweds a bit more?
I honestly believe that people who don't have children have no idea the impact those children can have on your life and your marriage - how could you? Sure, you have watched them, babysat them and even spent long weekends with them - but they aren't your children, your worries, or your concerns. I mean, it makes sense right?
I also believe, that most young couples talk themselves into the belief that "children won't change who we are"; "I am going to be the same person"; or even "our marriage won't change at all and even if it does, we are strong enough to handle it". These are all normal thoughts because, if we didn't have these thoughts we wouldn't ever have children!!!! This is how the species continues to perpetuate!
However, having children really and truly changes you and your marriage - no matter how much we try to convince ourselves it won't. This does not mean that it changes it for the worse. Not by any means - but it sure does change it. And future mothers, lets just nip this in the bud: you will not be showered, looking slim in your lulu pants, breasts perky in a lovely t-shirt, sipping a skinny latte at Starbucks with your adorable child sleeping peacefully in the stroller while you enjoy lazy days together at 3 months post partum. I could tell you what it is really like, but I don't want the species to die off! ;)
I see the change, not so much in myself, but in my marriage. Keith and I have always (and still do) had a strong foundation of marriage. We were that sickeningly cute couple that was always kissing, holding hands, etc. The other day we were walking along together and I realized it had been years (literally YEARS) since we walked hand-in-hand, when just a few years ago, before children, we would even sleep holding hands!
Similarly, you loose that selfishness and you switch to parent mode. You give up things you normally wouldn't think twice about just to ensure your kids get what they need (whether it is a hair cut or new shoes for the kids). Do you let yourself go, physically? Of course not - but if it comes down to you highlighting your hair this month or paying for daycare, which do you think you will choose?
Intimacy changes, as well. I mean, how can it not? Moms (or in some cases, fathers) are up all night with a baby, expected to be up all day either to take care of the children or to work at her place of employment; you breastfeed so breasts suddenly become all about function; your body changes, so there are those issues to handle ... basically every single aspect of your intimate life changes. If you have kids close together in age, or multiples, it only gets worse. I basically fall asleep at 9pm every night at this stage, with "2 under 2".
Of course, nothing I can say can truly convey that you, your partner, and your relationship changes. I would never in a million years say it changes for the bad because I really and truly would do anything for my children and husband.
Yet, similar to that quote I heard today - you don't change back. No matter how much you want to believe your life, your social life, your marriage, your partner and your self will return to how they were pre-baby - it won't. You grow into a new life, a new persona and a new family. The moment your baby looks you in the eye, you change forever.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Reflecting on Layla's first year
Layla Grace starts daycare next Friday....Seriously, where has the time gone. With Noah the year was SO long; yet Layla's first year has been so fast, I could have blinked and missed it! Part of that is probably because I returned to work when she was 8.5 months old and part of it is likely because having two kids makes you so busy that your head spins.
Yesterday I was watching Layla: she was holding onto the couch, tormenting her brother, when she just let go....she just tried to see if she could stand on her own without the support. She realized she couldn't quite make it yet and so she did a controlled landing to bring her back to her comfort zone. This is Layla in a nutshell: willing to dive headfirst into a new challenge, not caring about the danger aspect, but pulling back when it takes her a bit too far out of her comfort zone. I sincerely hope this is how Layla lives her life forever. Granted, the "diving headfirst into danger" aspect seems frightening - but what I truly hope for her is that she is not afraid to try new things and fail, but still be willing to pick herself up and try again another time.
Layla arrived into this world mad as hell, kicking, screaming and crying. When I tried to shush her to hear what the nurses and doctors were saying, she got mad and cried louder. This is a personality trait I can relate to, as Layla is my exact double in so many ways. She hates to be ignored, she wants to be the only one heard (or, at the very least, the loudest) and she hates when she doesn't get what she wants the moment she wants it. Luckily, I am able to see the silver lining in this personality trait too: as her bullheaded tenacity may get her far in life if she chooses to use it to her advantage. Who doesn't need to be stubborn and fierce at times in their career? Or when standing up for what they truly believe is right?
At first I described Layla as a fussy baby, but looking back I realize that an incorrect assessment. She isn't, nor ever has she ever been, miserable or cranky (illness and teething episodes aside). She merely wanted things done a certain way. Layla really found her groove right before I went back to work: sleeping better, eating better, playing better. It coincided with her increased mobility - which gave her the independence she craved.
Independent: It is the most perfect word to describe her. She isn't a cuddler, she hates to depend on me for food, she hates that she isn't mobile enough to take down her brother to get to his dump truck and she doesn't want our help getting her to sleep. She protests loudly at being strapped into a carseat or being forced into a snowsuit, as if to protest the act of doing something against her will. Similarly, diaper changes are a true test of patience, as you hold her ankles to lift up her bum and she spins around to escape. I always imagine that what she hates the most is being told to do something on our timeline, under our demands to best suit our needs. Luckily, I know that most toddlers hate this as well, so I know she will require a lot of independence as she gets older.
Looking back to this past year I have mixed emotions. On the one hand, I am so very sad that it has gone so fast because she is my baby and I really do feel like it went by in a blink. However, it means we are onto fun stages - I feel kids just get more fun as they age - and having watched Noah grow, I know that we are in for some fun times. I also know that daycare is going to age her and make her grow at warp speed so I expect my baby to be a baby no more in a few short months of daycare.
Yet, despite my sadness, I am so blessed and happy to have my little monster in my life. I call her all sorts of various nicknames: monster, tazmanian devil, trouble #1, etc., but I truly couldn't be more proud of the little girl. She came into our lives as a bit of a surprise but she is such an amazing baby girl. Sometimes, her "spirit" can tire you out and make you frustrated; but overall I really do appreciate that our baby has that personality. She is fun, carefree and yes, a little dangerous. She is going to be a nightmare of a teenager to raise, but I look forward to watching her try new things and one day learn to let go and stand on her own two feet...
Yesterday I was watching Layla: she was holding onto the couch, tormenting her brother, when she just let go....she just tried to see if she could stand on her own without the support. She realized she couldn't quite make it yet and so she did a controlled landing to bring her back to her comfort zone. This is Layla in a nutshell: willing to dive headfirst into a new challenge, not caring about the danger aspect, but pulling back when it takes her a bit too far out of her comfort zone. I sincerely hope this is how Layla lives her life forever. Granted, the "diving headfirst into danger" aspect seems frightening - but what I truly hope for her is that she is not afraid to try new things and fail, but still be willing to pick herself up and try again another time.
Layla arrived into this world mad as hell, kicking, screaming and crying. When I tried to shush her to hear what the nurses and doctors were saying, she got mad and cried louder. This is a personality trait I can relate to, as Layla is my exact double in so many ways. She hates to be ignored, she wants to be the only one heard (or, at the very least, the loudest) and she hates when she doesn't get what she wants the moment she wants it. Luckily, I am able to see the silver lining in this personality trait too: as her bullheaded tenacity may get her far in life if she chooses to use it to her advantage. Who doesn't need to be stubborn and fierce at times in their career? Or when standing up for what they truly believe is right?
At first I described Layla as a fussy baby, but looking back I realize that an incorrect assessment. She isn't, nor ever has she ever been, miserable or cranky (illness and teething episodes aside). She merely wanted things done a certain way. Layla really found her groove right before I went back to work: sleeping better, eating better, playing better. It coincided with her increased mobility - which gave her the independence she craved.
Independent: It is the most perfect word to describe her. She isn't a cuddler, she hates to depend on me for food, she hates that she isn't mobile enough to take down her brother to get to his dump truck and she doesn't want our help getting her to sleep. She protests loudly at being strapped into a carseat or being forced into a snowsuit, as if to protest the act of doing something against her will. Similarly, diaper changes are a true test of patience, as you hold her ankles to lift up her bum and she spins around to escape. I always imagine that what she hates the most is being told to do something on our timeline, under our demands to best suit our needs. Luckily, I know that most toddlers hate this as well, so I know she will require a lot of independence as she gets older.
Looking back to this past year I have mixed emotions. On the one hand, I am so very sad that it has gone so fast because she is my baby and I really do feel like it went by in a blink. However, it means we are onto fun stages - I feel kids just get more fun as they age - and having watched Noah grow, I know that we are in for some fun times. I also know that daycare is going to age her and make her grow at warp speed so I expect my baby to be a baby no more in a few short months of daycare.
Yet, despite my sadness, I am so blessed and happy to have my little monster in my life. I call her all sorts of various nicknames: monster, tazmanian devil, trouble #1, etc., but I truly couldn't be more proud of the little girl. She came into our lives as a bit of a surprise but she is such an amazing baby girl. Sometimes, her "spirit" can tire you out and make you frustrated; but overall I really do appreciate that our baby has that personality. She is fun, carefree and yes, a little dangerous. She is going to be a nightmare of a teenager to raise, but I look forward to watching her try new things and one day learn to let go and stand on her own two feet...
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Breastfeeding is like....
Having breastfed two children, I am acutely aware how different children can be. My two children are like night and day in almost every respect. Breastfeeding certainly has been no different in this respect.
Noah loved to nurse - he would spend all day at the breast as a baby. As he got older and went to school at a year of age, he still enjoyed nursing. We naturally cut out the day sessions, as he was at daycare - but he kept the morning, night and middle of the night feeds. In fact, until he was 14 months, he was up every two hours to nurse. Did he need to nurse every 2 hours at 14 months and 30 pounds? No way - but we did it because it was our cuddle time.
When Noah fed, he took his time - he enjoyed the cuddles and there were so many nights where he would nurse and sleep for three hours, while I sat in the lazyboy...not realizing how much time had passed because I was asleep too! We used to co-nap as well, and I would go down for quite a few hours just because he loved to nurse and sleep at the same time. If I wanted him to nap well, I had to go down for a nap too.
He naturally weaned himself when I was a few months pregnant with Layla - the taste must have changed because it was an abrupt end at 16 months. I was not ready for it to be over and mourned the end of that period of our lives. Especially since he was not an overly cuddly child, so I lost the only time he would let me hold him.
Layla....oh my beautiful Layla...breastfeeding her is like trying to hog-tie a rabid tazmanian devil and force feed it. She treats breastfeeding like it is the only way to get her nutrients and that is it. She has no desire to cuddle or spend hours at the breast. Since the day she was born, you couldn't force her onto the breast if she was upset or needed to nap. If she was not hungry at that moment, she would have none of it. Once she got teeth, she got even more brutal by ending sessions with a hard bite! She squirms, twists and pulls off. She slaps me in the face, fish-hooks me in the mouth, claws at my eyes and uses her nails on my flesh. She does not wake at night for mommy cuddles - she is another one who isn't terribly cuddly. In fact, if you happen to catch her at a tender moment and she agrees to hug you - once she realizes what is happening, she puts her hand on your face and shoves you away.
However, due to my obsession with breastfeeding, I have kept it up with Layla. I even pump at work daily so she can get a little breastmilk during the day while I am at work. She nurses only once a day now - at bedtime. I actually am shocked she still nurses. I am certain the end is going to come sooner than it did for Noah.
I remember reading a lot about breastfeeding a toddler, when Noah got over a year of age. I couldn't figure out why anyone would need to adjust how they fed their toddler just because they were older. Noah never moved when he fed! Sure, he got distracted, but I was able to work through it.
Now that I have Layla approaching the year mark, I can fully appreciate the complexities to nursing a toddler. Over the last few weeks Layla has developed a very strange nursing habit, that makes breastfeeding nearly impossible. She doesn't want to be held in the typical cradle hold (how dare I treat her like a baby?!?!). She now nurses by laying on my stomach, facing me - but she pushes down until she is dangling between my legs (I think she is trying to stand between my legs while she nurses). It is so strange to feed her like this - I almost have to put my legs straight out and let her lay on them - but she wants to dangle. So I nurse her by holding onto her under her arms and letting her hang.
Yet, despite the difficulties, I can't bring myself to be the one to end the relationship. I won't. Similar to Noah, I will let her dictate when she is done, no matter how old she is. So now I have to revisit those chapters and websites I read about nursing a toddler and work through this - which is really just another hurdle in the world of breastfeeding. It is never smooth sailing and problem free - but it is always a great time to cuddle...even if they fight it, they all eventually settle down once the milk starts flowing!
I am certainly learning a lot about how unique each child is when they breastfeed. It is giving me a greater appreciation of the complexities with breastfeeding - something I hope will come in handy as I embark on my lactation education.
Noah loved to nurse - he would spend all day at the breast as a baby. As he got older and went to school at a year of age, he still enjoyed nursing. We naturally cut out the day sessions, as he was at daycare - but he kept the morning, night and middle of the night feeds. In fact, until he was 14 months, he was up every two hours to nurse. Did he need to nurse every 2 hours at 14 months and 30 pounds? No way - but we did it because it was our cuddle time.
When Noah fed, he took his time - he enjoyed the cuddles and there were so many nights where he would nurse and sleep for three hours, while I sat in the lazyboy...not realizing how much time had passed because I was asleep too! We used to co-nap as well, and I would go down for quite a few hours just because he loved to nurse and sleep at the same time. If I wanted him to nap well, I had to go down for a nap too.
He naturally weaned himself when I was a few months pregnant with Layla - the taste must have changed because it was an abrupt end at 16 months. I was not ready for it to be over and mourned the end of that period of our lives. Especially since he was not an overly cuddly child, so I lost the only time he would let me hold him.
Layla....oh my beautiful Layla...breastfeeding her is like trying to hog-tie a rabid tazmanian devil and force feed it. She treats breastfeeding like it is the only way to get her nutrients and that is it. She has no desire to cuddle or spend hours at the breast. Since the day she was born, you couldn't force her onto the breast if she was upset or needed to nap. If she was not hungry at that moment, she would have none of it. Once she got teeth, she got even more brutal by ending sessions with a hard bite! She squirms, twists and pulls off. She slaps me in the face, fish-hooks me in the mouth, claws at my eyes and uses her nails on my flesh. She does not wake at night for mommy cuddles - she is another one who isn't terribly cuddly. In fact, if you happen to catch her at a tender moment and she agrees to hug you - once she realizes what is happening, she puts her hand on your face and shoves you away.
However, due to my obsession with breastfeeding, I have kept it up with Layla. I even pump at work daily so she can get a little breastmilk during the day while I am at work. She nurses only once a day now - at bedtime. I actually am shocked she still nurses. I am certain the end is going to come sooner than it did for Noah.
I remember reading a lot about breastfeeding a toddler, when Noah got over a year of age. I couldn't figure out why anyone would need to adjust how they fed their toddler just because they were older. Noah never moved when he fed! Sure, he got distracted, but I was able to work through it.
Now that I have Layla approaching the year mark, I can fully appreciate the complexities to nursing a toddler. Over the last few weeks Layla has developed a very strange nursing habit, that makes breastfeeding nearly impossible. She doesn't want to be held in the typical cradle hold (how dare I treat her like a baby?!?!). She now nurses by laying on my stomach, facing me - but she pushes down until she is dangling between my legs (I think she is trying to stand between my legs while she nurses). It is so strange to feed her like this - I almost have to put my legs straight out and let her lay on them - but she wants to dangle. So I nurse her by holding onto her under her arms and letting her hang.
Yet, despite the difficulties, I can't bring myself to be the one to end the relationship. I won't. Similar to Noah, I will let her dictate when she is done, no matter how old she is. So now I have to revisit those chapters and websites I read about nursing a toddler and work through this - which is really just another hurdle in the world of breastfeeding. It is never smooth sailing and problem free - but it is always a great time to cuddle...even if they fight it, they all eventually settle down once the milk starts flowing!
I am certainly learning a lot about how unique each child is when they breastfeed. It is giving me a greater appreciation of the complexities with breastfeeding - something I hope will come in handy as I embark on my lactation education.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Chivalry is dead
On my way to the subway today, I got shoved past and pushed (not so uncommon in this city) but I still bristle when it happens. Worse yet, I was waiting for the subway doors to open and beside me were a mother and her young son. I stepped aside to let them on and a 20-something male jumped ahead of her, as did about 4 other people. It wasn't until I stepped ahead of them all and offered her to enter the subway, that they were able to safely get on without the aforementioned shoving.
What is wrong with people?!?! How are these people raised? Is it so hard to be courteous, polite and chivalrous? I suspect that while many people allegedly teach their children to be polite and courteous, these behaviours are not being demonstrated by the people in their lives and thus, they don't feel the need to follow through with this behaviour.
I was raised to be polite and courteous, as most people are. I was also taught to respect those who respect you. Now, this is a source of disagreement for a lot of people who believe that you should respect your elders. However, my mother taught me that just because someone is older doesn't mean they automatically deserve your respect - especially if they do not respect you. Respect must be earned and as such, if someone is willing to treat me with respect then I shall treat them the same way.
I want to raise my son with a bit of chivalry: to hold open doors for people or to give a pregnant woman a seat on the subway. I want him to treat women (and men) with respect so that he will in turn be treated with respect. I live my life by being polite and courteous, as does Keith - so I can only hope that he will see that we "practice what we preach". Yet, if he goes out in the world and sees that no one else is bothering with these life lessons - will he just give up on them? How do you ensure this doesn't happen?
I want to raise my daughter to be equally polite and courteous - but to also learn to stand her ground if she does not feel she is being treated fairly or respectfully. Yet again, I worry that my lessons and modelled behaviour can only take her so far.
So I want to ask everyone: please teach your children these lessons, but also model them yourselves - because this is where I think we fail as a society. We are in such a rush to get to work, to get home...thinking our lives are more important than those around them, that we are only too willing to shove a pregnant woman out of the way or steal a chair from a young toddler riding the subway.
What is wrong with people?!?! How are these people raised? Is it so hard to be courteous, polite and chivalrous? I suspect that while many people allegedly teach their children to be polite and courteous, these behaviours are not being demonstrated by the people in their lives and thus, they don't feel the need to follow through with this behaviour.
I was raised to be polite and courteous, as most people are. I was also taught to respect those who respect you. Now, this is a source of disagreement for a lot of people who believe that you should respect your elders. However, my mother taught me that just because someone is older doesn't mean they automatically deserve your respect - especially if they do not respect you. Respect must be earned and as such, if someone is willing to treat me with respect then I shall treat them the same way.
I want to raise my son with a bit of chivalry: to hold open doors for people or to give a pregnant woman a seat on the subway. I want him to treat women (and men) with respect so that he will in turn be treated with respect. I live my life by being polite and courteous, as does Keith - so I can only hope that he will see that we "practice what we preach". Yet, if he goes out in the world and sees that no one else is bothering with these life lessons - will he just give up on them? How do you ensure this doesn't happen?
I want to raise my daughter to be equally polite and courteous - but to also learn to stand her ground if she does not feel she is being treated fairly or respectfully. Yet again, I worry that my lessons and modelled behaviour can only take her so far.
So I want to ask everyone: please teach your children these lessons, but also model them yourselves - because this is where I think we fail as a society. We are in such a rush to get to work, to get home...thinking our lives are more important than those around them, that we are only too willing to shove a pregnant woman out of the way or steal a chair from a young toddler riding the subway.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Breastfeeding and sleep - is it possible?
I was at a La Leche League meeting this week and one of the mom's brought a question forth to the group: as a result of her son's sleeping habits, she now co-slept and breastfed at night freely. The trouble was, when she tried to remove her breast from his mouth once he was asleep, he would wake up and instantly start hunting for the breast and wake up.
Around the room, many moms offered their advice, "Have you tried....", "What I used to do...", on and on around the room.
It got me thinking - if all the moms in the room had experienced this "problem" at some point in their breastfeeding relationship, why are we so quick to deem it a "problem" that needs to be fixed?
When I go online to different mommy chat groups you hear the same questions asked over and over through the years: "I can't get my newborn baby to sleep anywhere but on my chest", "my baby is biting me instead of nursing", "my baby seems too distracted to breastfeed" - nothing is unique, many babies experience the same situations.
I have always had a big issue with sleep training. Yes, I have heard that a rested mom is a happy mom and that makes for a happy family...thing is, I'm not buying it because, when I look at these situations and see so many children experiencing them over and over, it makes me think that perhaps there is a reason.
Children are born with the innate ability to do what they have to do to feel comforted and fed. They can't change their own diapers, but every single baby in the world will cry if they are left in a soiled diaper too long, or if they can't find the breast (or bottle) for milk. So if every baby in the world goes through similar stages, why are we so quick to jump in and fix it? Why must babies sleep through the night? Is that natural when breastmilk only lasts in their system 2 hours, formula only 4?When toddlers hit the 'terrible 2's' society is quick to brush off misbehaviour as a consequence of age, so why can't the same be said for newborn babies? Is it so hard to believe that it is (dare I say) normal for a mom and baby to co-sleep and nurse all night long because the baby and mom both seem better rested in this arrangement (why do you think the mom and baby co-slept in the first place?) Not only is easier for them, but it is more comforting - and that is all baby wants!
Breastfed babies are, however, capable of sleeping through the night. I suspect this has more to do with other factors: their personalities or even their birth order.
Lets look at an example: Noah was up every 2 hours until I returned to work and was physicially incapable of waking every other hour to breastfeed him at 14 months of age (at which point we were able to wean his night feeds because I couldn't function and he was a 30lb toddler). He used to nap with my breast in his mouth for hours and hours. He slept in my arms and nursed as soon as he woke at night. Conversely Layla, being the second born, had to learn to put herself to sleep at times out of necessity. With a 2 year old on the main level of the house, it was hard to lay with her for hours and nurse her constantly. It was hard to have that time so she is actually a fantastic sleeper now. Similarily, she doesn't wake up at night, despite being a breastfed baby. I think it is just her personality....
So to all new moms: do what works. There is usally an innate reason why baby sleeps better on (or with) you, why she nurses constantly, and why she wakes every two hours. yes, it is exhausting (but that is why motherhood is so hard) - take heart, it won't last forever. I don't know of any teenagers who still need to nurse to sleep on their mothers chest. They grow so fast, and soon you will long for those quiet moments of cuddles together.
These are horrible photos of me, but I wanted to share anyway!
Around the room, many moms offered their advice, "Have you tried....", "What I used to do...", on and on around the room.
It got me thinking - if all the moms in the room had experienced this "problem" at some point in their breastfeeding relationship, why are we so quick to deem it a "problem" that needs to be fixed?
When I go online to different mommy chat groups you hear the same questions asked over and over through the years: "I can't get my newborn baby to sleep anywhere but on my chest", "my baby is biting me instead of nursing", "my baby seems too distracted to breastfeed" - nothing is unique, many babies experience the same situations.
I have always had a big issue with sleep training. Yes, I have heard that a rested mom is a happy mom and that makes for a happy family...thing is, I'm not buying it because, when I look at these situations and see so many children experiencing them over and over, it makes me think that perhaps there is a reason.
Children are born with the innate ability to do what they have to do to feel comforted and fed. They can't change their own diapers, but every single baby in the world will cry if they are left in a soiled diaper too long, or if they can't find the breast (or bottle) for milk. So if every baby in the world goes through similar stages, why are we so quick to jump in and fix it? Why must babies sleep through the night? Is that natural when breastmilk only lasts in their system 2 hours, formula only 4?When toddlers hit the 'terrible 2's' society is quick to brush off misbehaviour as a consequence of age, so why can't the same be said for newborn babies? Is it so hard to believe that it is (dare I say) normal for a mom and baby to co-sleep and nurse all night long because the baby and mom both seem better rested in this arrangement (why do you think the mom and baby co-slept in the first place?) Not only is easier for them, but it is more comforting - and that is all baby wants!
Breastfed babies are, however, capable of sleeping through the night. I suspect this has more to do with other factors: their personalities or even their birth order.
Lets look at an example: Noah was up every 2 hours until I returned to work and was physicially incapable of waking every other hour to breastfeed him at 14 months of age (at which point we were able to wean his night feeds because I couldn't function and he was a 30lb toddler). He used to nap with my breast in his mouth for hours and hours. He slept in my arms and nursed as soon as he woke at night. Conversely Layla, being the second born, had to learn to put herself to sleep at times out of necessity. With a 2 year old on the main level of the house, it was hard to lay with her for hours and nurse her constantly. It was hard to have that time so she is actually a fantastic sleeper now. Similarily, she doesn't wake up at night, despite being a breastfed baby. I think it is just her personality....
So to all new moms: do what works. There is usally an innate reason why baby sleeps better on (or with) you, why she nurses constantly, and why she wakes every two hours. yes, it is exhausting (but that is why motherhood is so hard) - take heart, it won't last forever. I don't know of any teenagers who still need to nurse to sleep on their mothers chest. They grow so fast, and soon you will long for those quiet moments of cuddles together.
These are horrible photos of me, but I wanted to share anyway!
 |
| Co-sleeping with Noah |
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Oh the perils of exercise
Exercise....
Hate it? Love it? I can't decide what side of the fence I am on.
I am not one to join group sports - never have been (except for cheerleading), or be active by hiking or biking (ugh...my own personal version of hell). So I have to find time to be active.
Let me point out that once the kids are in bed, I do dishes and pack lunches so I am left with an hour of potential free time before bed. Many moms and dads spend that time doing laundry, sweeping the house, washing floors - whatever doesn't get done during the day. So I am not left with a lot of time to fit in exercise.
Keith is fantastic - he will do as many dishes as he can while he makes dinner to free up some of my time so I can work out. Recently, I also stopped sitting with Layla until she was asleep, as she falls asleep faster if I am not there. So I have gained an extra half hour.
A big hurdle, other than time, is my desire to be a lazy bum. I work all day and while my job is neither strenuous nor stressful, I still feel like being out of the house all day takes away from some "me" time. I love TV so I love to sit down and watch my shows at night. If asked to pick between tv and my treadmill, I pick TV everytime. If only we had cable hooked up to the tv in the basement....
As you know, I have done Jillian Michaels 30day shred. Got half way through before I stopped b/c of sickness and returning to work. Then I just got lazy - I didn't want to work out at 9pm!
So this week I got out my Wii fit - I didn't find it terribly challenging or strenuous so I figure I can do that on nights I don't want to work out.
A few nights ago I also did my EA Active for the Wii - now THAT was a workout! I thought I was settling in for an easy workout, like the Wii fit routine, but this challenged me so much that I could barely walk the next few days.
Yesterday I decided to get back on the treadmill. Previously, Keith and I did the 'couch to 5K' workout and we did great. It got to the point that we were both doing 5K, 3 times a week. I haven't been on a treadmill since I returned to work but I decided to go for it (mostly because Keith downloaded smutty tv for me to watch while I run).
Once I was done, I commented to keith that I really love running - but it is always such a task to get myself to do it. I feel better for having done it, I feel less guilty about having pie for dessert - but I can't seem to remember that BEFORE the workout.
Tonight there are two of my favourite shows on tv, so I am sure I won't be working out. Keith can have the treadmill tonight...I am going to attempt to remember that I like running...tomorrow...
Hate it? Love it? I can't decide what side of the fence I am on.
I am not one to join group sports - never have been (except for cheerleading), or be active by hiking or biking (ugh...my own personal version of hell). So I have to find time to be active.
Let me point out that once the kids are in bed, I do dishes and pack lunches so I am left with an hour of potential free time before bed. Many moms and dads spend that time doing laundry, sweeping the house, washing floors - whatever doesn't get done during the day. So I am not left with a lot of time to fit in exercise.
Keith is fantastic - he will do as many dishes as he can while he makes dinner to free up some of my time so I can work out. Recently, I also stopped sitting with Layla until she was asleep, as she falls asleep faster if I am not there. So I have gained an extra half hour.
A big hurdle, other than time, is my desire to be a lazy bum. I work all day and while my job is neither strenuous nor stressful, I still feel like being out of the house all day takes away from some "me" time. I love TV so I love to sit down and watch my shows at night. If asked to pick between tv and my treadmill, I pick TV everytime. If only we had cable hooked up to the tv in the basement....
As you know, I have done Jillian Michaels 30day shred. Got half way through before I stopped b/c of sickness and returning to work. Then I just got lazy - I didn't want to work out at 9pm!
So this week I got out my Wii fit - I didn't find it terribly challenging or strenuous so I figure I can do that on nights I don't want to work out.
A few nights ago I also did my EA Active for the Wii - now THAT was a workout! I thought I was settling in for an easy workout, like the Wii fit routine, but this challenged me so much that I could barely walk the next few days.
Yesterday I decided to get back on the treadmill. Previously, Keith and I did the 'couch to 5K' workout and we did great. It got to the point that we were both doing 5K, 3 times a week. I haven't been on a treadmill since I returned to work but I decided to go for it (mostly because Keith downloaded smutty tv for me to watch while I run).
Once I was done, I commented to keith that I really love running - but it is always such a task to get myself to do it. I feel better for having done it, I feel less guilty about having pie for dessert - but I can't seem to remember that BEFORE the workout.
Tonight there are two of my favourite shows on tv, so I am sure I won't be working out. Keith can have the treadmill tonight...I am going to attempt to remember that I like running...tomorrow...
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Our current trials and tribulations - life with 2 kids
Keith is doing great at home with the kids. He really is amazing. He keeps the house tidy, the kids are very happy and he has fixed sleep, potty and many discipline issues. You see, I am the push-over parent. I am the one who will cave to their slightest request. I wish I could parent like he does!
I wanted to share what we are currently going through with the two kids, as life is never dull here and I am sure our stories are not unique to our kids.
Layla:
Layla is too young to really have any discipline issues. She is growing so fast though. I find she is learning to do things faster than her brother did. She just figured out how to crawl forward this week - which means our previous "rolling log of disaster" is now a "crawling mass of destruction". If something is dangerous or off-limits, she will find it and eat it. This is new territory for us, having had one baby who was very placid and didn't crawl until a year of age. Our biggest challenges with her right now are baby proofing to keep her safe, teaching her that things are off-limits (we use a tone of voice with her that she knows means something is off limits) and biting.
...Yes...biting...
Layla already has six teeth but we think a few more are coming. She has taken to biting her brother - not maliciously, but because she is probably teething and his flesh is the nearest thing to her mouth. When they have bath together, Noah spends the whole bath dodging her bites and scooting around the tub screeching at her to "stop it!". I would bathe them separately, but I can't really figure out how to do this because they go to bed at the same time.
The only thing we can do at this age is remove her from the person she is biting and distract her with something else. It works about 90% of the time.
Noah:
Noah is an amazing kid - so happy and calm, but something is making him feel like he needs more attention or more power in his life (My guess is that Layla is that "something" special causing him to feel a bit left out).
His newest behaviour that is causing discipline issues at home, and potty training issues at school is what I refer to as "learned helplessness" (as a tribute to nursing theory). Noah likes to throw a fit over things he is capable of doing by yelling, "I CAN'T!" and then crying (or rather, trying to make himself cry). This could be exclaimed as he tries to pull up his pants, put on his coat, or put his own socks on. These are all things he is 100% capable of doing. It can be very difficult to sit and listen to when you have to get out the door. This is one of those situations where Keith is a million times better than I am - he is more patient, whereas I give in and do it for him.
Keith and I parent according to Alyson Shaefer's alderian principles (http://www.alyson.ca/). We have been a bit busy lately to consult her book to see how to get Noah out of this learned helplessness cycle, however this weekend Keith had time to review the two chapters that apply to both attention seeking and power struggles.
We tried out the principles over dinner, which is an area we have had a lot of battles. Typically, Noah fights sitting at the table with us, and when he does he shoves his plate away and then trys to get back down after throwing a fit over what he is supposed to eat. He also has gotten ME in the habit of spoon feeding him, just to get him to eat something. After chewing it, he spits it back onto his plate. Inevitably, he will spend time in the corner during dinner.
Last night, we anticipated he wouldn't be hungry because he ate one pound of pasta at lunch...literally! It is hard to explain alderian principles properly and succinctly, so instead I will share what we specifically did with Noah:
As we served dinner, Noah dawdled at his chair. We asked him to join us and he refused. Instead of harping on him, or forcing him into his chair, we just began eating and pleasantly chatting about our day. He played around the kitchen for a while (enjoying his new freedom!) and at some point he noticed he wasn't getting undue attention from skipping dinner, so he came up to the table and shoved his plate away. This is something we don't tolerate, so he went straight to the corner (although I think Alyson Shaefer would have said we should just ignore that behaviour). After he was done in the corner, he asked to come to the table. So we told him, very nicely, that we would really like that. He tried to get us to put him in his chair for him, but he is capable of doing so himself so we told him that once he gets into his chair, we would be more than happy to push him toward the table. He did so himself and ate one piece of food before declaring he was done. We told him that was fine, but there would be no more food until breakfast the next day. He was ok with this and asked politely to leave the table. I was a bit anxious about putting him to bed hungry, but he actually ended up sleeping later than usual and had two bowls of oatmeal at breakfast...no harm done!
Every time we use Alyson's book, I am astounded at how well it works. It often seems common sense, but it really is challenging because I find the hardest part of parenting is not holding a grudge or making the child feel guilty over their choice. Haven't we all told the child that "yes, you can leave this table, but now I have to throw out this dinner that daddy spent so long making"? According to Alyson Shaefer, once you are past a misbehaving situtaion, you have to drop the anger or frustration - and this is really hard. So it is a constant work for us but Keith and I are very devoted to it and work very hard at parenting the best we can. We don't want to use old-school parenting techniques of "you have to do this because I say so" or guilt-trips, aggression or fear-tactics.
Another situation last night, where her tactics worked very well for us was when Noah wanted help putting his socks on for bed (he likes to sleep in socks!). He sobbed while begging Keith to help him. Keith gave him a long hug but then proceeded to read him his bedtime stories to Noah. About four pages in, Noah realized he wasn't getting attention over his sobbing and put his socks on himself and enjoyed the rest of the story.
If you have discipline issues with your kids, try Alyson's book out. It really is a quick and easy read (you only need to review the chapters that apply to your child's discipline issues) and you won't be sorry!
I wanted to share what we are currently going through with the two kids, as life is never dull here and I am sure our stories are not unique to our kids.
Layla:
Layla is too young to really have any discipline issues. She is growing so fast though. I find she is learning to do things faster than her brother did. She just figured out how to crawl forward this week - which means our previous "rolling log of disaster" is now a "crawling mass of destruction". If something is dangerous or off-limits, she will find it and eat it. This is new territory for us, having had one baby who was very placid and didn't crawl until a year of age. Our biggest challenges with her right now are baby proofing to keep her safe, teaching her that things are off-limits (we use a tone of voice with her that she knows means something is off limits) and biting.
...Yes...biting...
Layla already has six teeth but we think a few more are coming. She has taken to biting her brother - not maliciously, but because she is probably teething and his flesh is the nearest thing to her mouth. When they have bath together, Noah spends the whole bath dodging her bites and scooting around the tub screeching at her to "stop it!". I would bathe them separately, but I can't really figure out how to do this because they go to bed at the same time.
The only thing we can do at this age is remove her from the person she is biting and distract her with something else. It works about 90% of the time.
Noah:
Noah is an amazing kid - so happy and calm, but something is making him feel like he needs more attention or more power in his life (My guess is that Layla is that "something" special causing him to feel a bit left out).
His newest behaviour that is causing discipline issues at home, and potty training issues at school is what I refer to as "learned helplessness" (as a tribute to nursing theory). Noah likes to throw a fit over things he is capable of doing by yelling, "I CAN'T!" and then crying (or rather, trying to make himself cry). This could be exclaimed as he tries to pull up his pants, put on his coat, or put his own socks on. These are all things he is 100% capable of doing. It can be very difficult to sit and listen to when you have to get out the door. This is one of those situations where Keith is a million times better than I am - he is more patient, whereas I give in and do it for him.
Keith and I parent according to Alyson Shaefer's alderian principles (http://www.alyson.ca/). We have been a bit busy lately to consult her book to see how to get Noah out of this learned helplessness cycle, however this weekend Keith had time to review the two chapters that apply to both attention seeking and power struggles.
We tried out the principles over dinner, which is an area we have had a lot of battles. Typically, Noah fights sitting at the table with us, and when he does he shoves his plate away and then trys to get back down after throwing a fit over what he is supposed to eat. He also has gotten ME in the habit of spoon feeding him, just to get him to eat something. After chewing it, he spits it back onto his plate. Inevitably, he will spend time in the corner during dinner.
Last night, we anticipated he wouldn't be hungry because he ate one pound of pasta at lunch...literally! It is hard to explain alderian principles properly and succinctly, so instead I will share what we specifically did with Noah:
As we served dinner, Noah dawdled at his chair. We asked him to join us and he refused. Instead of harping on him, or forcing him into his chair, we just began eating and pleasantly chatting about our day. He played around the kitchen for a while (enjoying his new freedom!) and at some point he noticed he wasn't getting undue attention from skipping dinner, so he came up to the table and shoved his plate away. This is something we don't tolerate, so he went straight to the corner (although I think Alyson Shaefer would have said we should just ignore that behaviour). After he was done in the corner, he asked to come to the table. So we told him, very nicely, that we would really like that. He tried to get us to put him in his chair for him, but he is capable of doing so himself so we told him that once he gets into his chair, we would be more than happy to push him toward the table. He did so himself and ate one piece of food before declaring he was done. We told him that was fine, but there would be no more food until breakfast the next day. He was ok with this and asked politely to leave the table. I was a bit anxious about putting him to bed hungry, but he actually ended up sleeping later than usual and had two bowls of oatmeal at breakfast...no harm done!
Every time we use Alyson's book, I am astounded at how well it works. It often seems common sense, but it really is challenging because I find the hardest part of parenting is not holding a grudge or making the child feel guilty over their choice. Haven't we all told the child that "yes, you can leave this table, but now I have to throw out this dinner that daddy spent so long making"? According to Alyson Shaefer, once you are past a misbehaving situtaion, you have to drop the anger or frustration - and this is really hard. So it is a constant work for us but Keith and I are very devoted to it and work very hard at parenting the best we can. We don't want to use old-school parenting techniques of "you have to do this because I say so" or guilt-trips, aggression or fear-tactics.
Another situation last night, where her tactics worked very well for us was when Noah wanted help putting his socks on for bed (he likes to sleep in socks!). He sobbed while begging Keith to help him. Keith gave him a long hug but then proceeded to read him his bedtime stories to Noah. About four pages in, Noah realized he wasn't getting attention over his sobbing and put his socks on himself and enjoyed the rest of the story.
If you have discipline issues with your kids, try Alyson's book out. It really is a quick and easy read (you only need to review the chapters that apply to your child's discipline issues) and you won't be sorry!
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